(Grown Folks Talk) I had to get one of my 'hers' the help that 'She' needed..

Of course, by now, you know the backstory so I'm gonna jump right into it.

"You know that you and the kids are gonna need to talk to someone..." - You

"......." - Me


Reason for the dots? I was there. I kinda know the situation was pretty fucked up seeing as though I am SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF IT. *shrugs* 

I mean it isn't as if we lost our dog. Or our goldfish. Or that our house burnt down. Not that those things wouldn't hurt... 

We lost a mother. A wife. Life partner. Influential woman to young ladies who will become women. Road dawg. Sounding board. Etc..etc...etc... 

So yeah, when I saw that one of my 'hers' needed some 'attention' above and beyond that which I could provide, I got her that 'help'. I mean she was already talking (as they all were) to someone at school but I saw some things that said she needed more. You see, BEFORE HER MOTHER DIED, my health issues kinda got to her. So she began to fear losing me LONG BEFORE her mother passed. She chose other ways to cope. A cut here. A nick there. Always hidden from sight per say. 

Then her mother died......

Yeah.... 

Not. Good....


Sure we saw the band aids but she's a kid so yeah.. Thank God for the parenting rule of 'Take your little sister with you/there shouldn't be anything you are doing that she can't be present for' that is in place. 6 year old did her JOB. What some of you common niggas refer to as 'snitching'. She saved her sister. Proud of her. Sometimes, SOMEONE HAS TO TELL. Ya feel me?

So yeah.. I had to do the SECOND HARDEST THING I EVER HAD TO DO. I had to let my child go get help WITHOUT ME being there. I saw her every day. Sometimes twice after I gave her space to adapt. 

THE LONGEST TWO WEEKS EVER.. Didn't tell many folks. Bad enough that folks are gawking at us anyway. More ammo.. More shit to yap about. So we just handled it. Like the Gs that we are. Yes I said that. My kids and I are Gs out here. Soldiers belly crawling through this. One inch at a time. That's all we know. Is to keep going. They are soldiers just like their Momma was... 

She is 'fine' now. Bubbly Middle Child that I honestly haven't seen in a long time. She never 'stopped talking' so that wasn't the issue. She now takes her moments is all. She has other ways to cope. She grew up a lot in those two weeks. She saw some things I honestly wish she never HAD but I THINK IT WAS GOOD FOR HER. She saw that others are hurting too. She saw what happens when you DON'T GET HELP. When you do ignore the signs. When someone doesn't answer your cries for help. Not that she didn't GET THAT MESSAGE from her Mother's passing. This just showed the middle of the story to her. 

I had to go get one of my 'hers' the help that 'she' didn't get.....I couldn't drop the ball. I couldn't ignore it. Sure, I could have yelled at her about knives and scared the piss outta her. 

She would have just found something else to ease the pain. Another way. Who knows WHAT THAT COULD HAVE TURNED INTO.. We see enough examples of what folks turn to. I don't want her to know who 'Molly' is man. Fuck that. So off I took her.... To get some help.  

No finger pointing btw. Real spit. I wasn't there. @ my 'she'. I didn't live in Brooklyn. In Queens. I only know the transitioning girl child that became a woman... I only know that when I 'got her', she was hurting and that she needed it then but I couldn't 'make' her go. Only suggest. Implore. I do know that she could have used what my lil girl got AS A LITTLE GIRL. I do know that IT WILL BE DONE FOR ANYONE IN MY HOUSEHOLD NOW. That's what I do know.... I'm not of the adage that mental health care is for the weak. Or that 'we don't do that'. I know too many of 'us' that have taken their own lives to believe that foolishness. 

So for those of you concerned that I may not 'do right by them' and get them the help they need, you are too late. 

I've ten steps ahead of you. Trust me. 


My outbursts on Facebook. 

Many of you aren't privy to those honestly so this one might be a little bit confusing. Just follow along anyway though. It is pretty self explanatory.


The 'outbursts' that you see on Facebook usually don't bleed over to here or Twitter 'cause I've decided to concentrate them where the folks who I am talking about WILL SEE THEM. 

Why there? 

'Cause that is where they are pulling their info from. Where they 'see me'. It is the ONLY place they really see me honestly so that is where I choose to address it. For some of you, it is baffling. Probably a bit too much for you. Rest assured that like most things with me, you are only getting 5%. The issues I address there, usually get addressed BY ALL PARTIES INVOLVED fairly quickly and much more civilly than they get presented. No worries. Sometimes, you have to say what you have to say. Feel me? I usually say what I have to say and I'm pretty much DONE with the angst part of the issue when I push send. Much like  I am when I type stuff here. So y'all can stop worrying. 

Oh and if I REALLY WANTED YOU TO KNOW WHO I WAS TALKING ABOUT, I'd include them in the post. I don't for several reasons. I can forgive them. I know some of you can't. So I choose to keep it the way I do. 

Random thought:

I'm not sure what you guys are expecting of Justin Timberlake (or Hov for that matter on that Kendrick Lamar remix) but I fail to see the problem. Both are banging to me. Then again, some of you need the radio to tell you what is hot so yeah...I know for a fact that Jane is somewhere dancing her tail off to this joint.. That was our boy.. @ JT.. Okay... random thought over. 

Now where was I? Oh yeah... I was addressing me addressing folks on Facebook. That goes for here too actually. 

Speaking of that, I am single. :) We are gonna get into that a bit right now...Briefly. Vaguely. I know y'all wanna know. Dammit, you talk about me 'not being ready' all the time so that is how I know... Speaking of which..... 

Everybody is looking for the flyest thing to say... But I just wanna fly away.. with you....- You Know Who... *




Here's what I hear the most...


"I know you aren't ready for a relationship but I just want to know that whenever it is you might be that I need to know that...." 

Holy promissory note Batman!! - ME. 

(Looks into the camera) I don't really have to say much more do I? @ giving details. 

I don't mind bids being put in. I SWEAR I DON'T. 

Do. Not. Do. That. Though. 

Double talking. At its finest. 

Do I feel like I am saying too much about this? Naw.. If you follow me on Instagram, you can kinda see different things..lol Life is a secret but it isn't THAT MUCH of one in that aspect. If you are reading this and you know you probably fall under what I am talking about..... You HAD TO KNOW that this probably would make it here.. This is my outlet. Sorry. 

I'm gonna be REALLY CLEAR ABOUT ONE THING. She doesn't pass away, there is none of this. Period. Y'all probably need to RECOGNIZE THAT. Period. 

It is just a part of Life though. Only I know where I am with that reconciliation process. @ being married, moving like I am still married and if and when I can move on. If I can actually 'love someone' ANYWHERE NEAR THE level that I did with her. Or if I even want to. I knew where my relationship stood, what I was trying to deny that I was being prepped for and all of that good stuff. I would 'explain' that last statement but some of you would just flat out NEVER GET IT. So yeah.... In English, I probably know what I am ready for WAY MORE THAN ANY OF YOU WILL EVER REALLY KNOW. Degree'd up or not.... 

Here is a word of advice from the dude that is going through it to those of you who want a 'shot' though... 

Don't tell me what I'm ready for...

Don't try to make me promise shit. 

She's grown B. Raised you. Remember that.. You are grown. Try and remember that too. Do what you feel..I am. 

Don't expect me to forget her. (Have you seen my middle daughter? Yeah.. Good luck with that one.... lmao.. Nevuary 5th, Ain't Gonna Happen... @ forget..) Shit, have you seen HER as in have you seen JANE? Yeah.. not gonna forget that anytime soon... 

Let me grieve. 

Let me live. I'm not really about that 'answer to folks' life. Sorry. 

Let me do me..

I'm probably gonna keep posting stuff about HER. Long long...LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG PROCESSSSSSSSSSS...... Nothing you can do about that. If you don't like it, eh... God Bless.... 

Understand if I do choose to spend time with you, you must be doing something right. Don't overthink it... 

The girls. Love 'em. They are first. Second and third. So whatever I do, know already THAT I'VE TAKEN CARE OF THEM. Don't worry about 'having to say you don't come before that.." I KNOW THAT. :) You just make sure YOU REMEMBER THAT? Aight.. 

Time. 

Comprende? 

Yeah..I had to put it in writing. 'Cause...yeah... 

If I DO COME AT YOU OR LET YOU COME AT ME, I'm not chasing. I don't have time for one and for two.. yeah... that's not my style.. Never has been. We can chase each other but that other shit? Naw... 

Is that what you came here for? @ what I just typed out. A lot of you follow the blog at this point so I'm pretty sure your eyes are BULGING out of your heads right now. Oh you thought the blunt honesty was an 'act' huh? Nope. This is me. *shrugs* 

Enjoy that. I probably won't do THAT too often. Today though, I felt like it. So there it is. Besides, I have so many folks 'coming at me' that me saying that is PRETTY MUCH NECESSARY. No braggo. It is just the facts. I'm human folks. Sorry. 

To the Aunties. Bear and Brooklyn. Thank y'all. The objectivity that most claimed NEITHER ONE OF YOU HAD but I always thought you did is VERY CLEAR AND EVIDENT. Thank you for that. Truly. :) This is why I don't listen to what folks have to say about other people and I take the time to find out myself. 

My other two children:

My oldest has taken the personal note that my wife to her to HEART. She is flourishing right in front of me. So proud of her. 

My youngest is expressing herself DAILY. She is a LOT LIKE ME. She has her own 'blog' in the form of a notebook and she writes two to three stories a day about how she feels. Never the same thing twice. She is dealing with it in her own way.. She 'bout broke your boy's heart the other day though...


"Our family had five people in it and now we are minus one. We have four people now... I wish I didn't know how to subtract now..." - The Six Year Old....


I. Almost. Lost. It. It took everything in me to get her to school and drop her off without crying. 

After I dropped her off....

Yeah... She was so accepting of it and that is what kinda hurt me the most. 

The fact that she has to be. That it is just the truth of the matter. I think she is fine by the way. She's cried. She's drawn sad pictures. I just see so much of ME IN HER that it is scary. @ accepting and dealing. 

It is just a tough deal to watch my little angel deal with it. 

108/78.... @ my blood pressure (Umm..my top number was on that 150 ish this time last year so yeah.. bottom number was hovering around 99ish and above..) . Don't know HOW THAT IS HAPPENING OTHER THAN TO THANK GOD and to keep on exercising and letting things out in places like this blog here. So feelings hurt or not, I let them out. Sometimes, I push publish, sometimes I don't.. 

R.I.P. to my Daddy's good friend Nathaniel Simmons. Fellow Armed Forces man. One of my mentors as well. Definitely all man. All the time. My heart goes out to my boy Scottie Simmons. He is THE ONLY ONE LEFT IN HIS IMMEDIATE FAMILY. Momma gone too soon almost 20 years ago. Brother died not too long after.. Now his Daddy is gone. Strong brother though. My prayers are with you my dude! Truly. I'll play the background and if you need me, get at me. 

This is SO HARD Y'ALL. I usually don't end on that note but...It is. Super hard. Wouldn't wish it on anyone. Even with the move, there are things that can't be changed. Erased. That is going well btw. Love the home. Kids love the home. It is ours. Which feels good. 

It. Is. Bittersweet. Though. She should be here. Decorating this joint with me. Hanging pictures with me. Enjoying my 'big room' with me. Working in the corner. Enough space for both us.... Ugh.... I'm probably officially 'mad at her' for this in some ways. Still doesn't mean that I'm gonna tolerate or wanna hear that you are though. All that 'that is selfish' talk will still get you the 'look' from me. We all know it was. We all ALSO KNOW WHY and you can't gloss over that. Or you shouldn't. Tread lightly.... @ talking that way around me. 

Aight...the youngest needs to be awaken or I will be here typing all day. 

*Justin Timberlake.. Spaceship Coupe...

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(Grown Folk's Talk) 'Perfect People' and their misguided sense of entitlement..

Listen, I think we ALL want things a certain way. We want our meals prepped a certain way. The weather to be ideal for what we like to do. The things some of smoke to be of a certain grade and all of that other happy shit. Some of you out here though boy... y'all are ANAL WITH THIS SHIT. It is ridiculous. I know some of you are gonna read this and cite ALL TYPES OF WILDLY successful people who have this 'My Way or The Highway' mantra. Cool. They also compensated folks VERY WELL for having to put up with that shit. The folks I am speaking on are not. Compensation = whatever the trade off is...not necessarily money either.. While it may work 'well' in business for some AT THE TOP, it doesn't bode well in other factors of Life....


One simply cannot go around treating every situation like it is a 'depressive relationship'. Some 'relationships' cannot be cultivated in that manner for they are 'expressive relationships' and should be treated as such..

Expressive relationships should be self explanatory. You can 'express' and exchange ideas FREELY. Talking openly and the idea that change, when necessary is good and not to be fought. 

Depressive relationships in a nutshell are 'My Way or the Highway' type deals. No discussions. Very closed off. No back and forth brainstorming. Just 'Do as I say...' for the most part. Not really  fair as this type of relationship is one-sided and BOTH SIDES FEEL THAT PRESSURE. 

Example: Brother/Sister...Husband/Wife BF/GF.... friend/friend...all should be expressive relationships for the most part. There are times on the job when, depending on the level of the participants, and 'expressive relationship' is necessary as well as you need to BE ABLE TO KEEP WORKERS so that work can be done. It is just that simple. Especially as the jobs get more complex. Note I left one relationship out of the 'expressive' example. It was on purpose. That's a WHOLE post within itself. It does involve a complex level of both relationships that ebb and flow over time probably more so than the other examples I gave. Again..another post..another time...

How does that tie into 'perfection'? Quite simply if one thinks they are 'perfect' (or as close to perfect as it is going to get for those of you who want to 'split that hair'), then they often use depressive tactics ACROSS THE BOARD. This is not good for any of the parties involved. It breeds anger and a feeling of 'I have to do everything' for the person 'abusing' this tactic and it belittles those that have to engage with the 'perfect' person on a daily basis. In addition, the depressive tactics are often 'oppressive' in that the 'perfect' person has to watch over every minute detail and they are never 'wrong'..even when they are...well wrong. While the 'imperfect' person, even when 'right' is never allowed to live down their 'wrong' due to the constant 'reminding' of how 'perfect' the 'perfect person' is due to the daily berating they give out. The mental abuse if you will.


Hopefully those that use this tactic will read this and adjust accordingly after hearing how it sounds....



This is the 'nice version' of what I want to say. I could end it here I suppose but I know you didn't come here for that now did you? Besides, we all know that the 'perfect' person will just 'run right over this' like a buyer would run over a speed bump in a crack infested neighborhood on their way to get back to their house to get high so... Here comes the 'blue' language... . Keep reading.. If curse words aren't your thing, you can probably stop here. You have a general idea where I am going with this. You are gonna miss out though. I promise you that you will at least laugh OUT LOUD one time if you keep reading AND the point I am making will be done so more poignantly.


Before I REALLY start I would like to say that I say EVERYTHING I SAY HERE on the daily in my personal life. No need to 'read into' shit. EVERYBODY AROUND ME ALREADY KNOWS my feelings on these subjects and it isn't like it won't be available to read on my Facebook and the like. All out in the open. Thanks for playing though.. @ speculating.


Well it is ridiculous when you it comes to you then expecting everyone else to cater/care about your happiness in regards to your 'particular ways'. Some of you REALLY expect someone to make your ass happy when YOU can't even make you happy? Really? C'mon man. Stop. More importantly, you REALLY expect perfection WHEN YOU FUCK UP ALL THE TIME? Naw... 

You know, I could see if 'your way' was 95-100% successful. Or even that same percentile when it came to uniqueness. Then there would be no argument. Any scenario that has that high of a success rate CANNOT BE ARGUED WITH. Here's the problem though...

It is usually is not... -_-. 

You are usually using THE SAME IDEALS/PRINCIPLES that the rest of us are using only you don't want to hear it from 'us'. Your penchant for control is so DOMINANT that can't nobody tell you shit. Which again, would be cool if NOBODY ELSE WAS AFFECTED when you fuck up but 9/10 we ALL FEEL IT WHEN YOU MESS UP. All of us. 

I mean, understand, nobody is out here to make 'you' mad and ANYONE WHO DEALS WITH A OVERLY PARTICULAR PERSON usually does everything in their POWER TO NOT HAVE TO FEEL THE WRATH of that person being unhappy but yeah...you have to cut this shit out. What about when 'we' aren't happy due to YOUR INSISTENCE on doing shit YOUR WAY? Don't hand me that shit about 'Well, I'm upset at myself too..." either. "We" don't want to much hear that right now 'cause let that have been us fucking up... Be all types of incompetent, stupid motherfuckers out this bitch.. 

Furthermore, what about those times when you 'step in' to make something better 'cause nobody can do this shit like 'you can' and 'after further review' under the replay booth, the 'play still stands'? @ when you LOUDLY AND INDIGNANTLY stated the original idea was shitty and it turns out YOURS was the idea that is shitty and the ORIGINAL IDEA, WHICH WAS IMPLEMENTED FOR A REASON, is now once again the idea we are going with. What about then huh? 

What about that hot shit on a stick? You know where you mumble some shit about 'I'm sorry' MAYBE if the rest of us are lucky and you've wasted valuable time that you CAN'T GIVE US BACK? Why don't you ever remember THAT SHIT when you are spouting off at the mouth about how 'incompetent' folks are around you and how you 'hate stupid people'? Where's your memory at then? Oh now you wanna have a 'breakdown' huh? Naw... Fuck that... 





Now don't get me wrong, I know NOTHING I AM TYPING HERE is gonna change how you and 'MOST' of your treatment towards WHOMEVER IT IS THAT FORWARDS this to you as a not SO SUBTLE hint that they feel this way. What I am saying to you is that when you DO act out like a child whether it be over the most minute of details or a COMPLETE 180 of whatever needs to be done and it fails, don't acted 'shocked' when folks go 'over your head' or 'around' you. Don't act 'shocked' when you get residual attitude for DAYS UPON WEEKS over that shit. Why? 'Cause the chances are that if you are out here 'expressing' you are the ONLY REASON shit gets done because when things are done 'your way', shit happens, WHEN IT FUCKS UP you kinda deserve to get that in kind. Wait..there is no kinda to it. You do. Period. 

You see the thing about 'most' folks who feel their way of doing..well..almost everything.. is better than everyone else and the rest of the World is full of idiots who serve no other purpose but to get in 'their way' is that they are..............'human'. They fuck up too. On the regular. 

The difference is, the 'normal fucked up people' don't waste their energy bitching about the 'perfect person's' fuck ups. See the 'normal' person knows ALL TOO WELL THE CONTEMPT that breeds in a person when they are CONSTANTLY TOLD that they are incompetent over 'the smallest of things'. So they don't do that to others. The 'normal' people are too busy out here 'cleaning up' after the 'perfect' person to help make them appear 'perfect' in most cases. 

Maybe they should treat 'perfect person' the same then huh? That isn't going to matter much to most 'perfect people' fam. They are so SELF ABSORBED that they aren't gonna let a little setback like BEING COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY WRONG fuck up their 'perfect' record. All they are gonna do is cite their 'perfection' in other times and brush that off. They have to 'see it' for themselves outside of the situation. Repeatedly. Even then... no guarantees..@ actual change...


The other funny thing about the 'perfect person' is that they seem to THRIVE ON LOOKING FOR THE FLAW and they seem REALLY BOTHERED THAT THE REST OF US AREN'T AS UPSET AS THEY ARE ABOUT THE 'FLAWS THEY HAVE FOUND'. I have news for you perfect person. The World is full of flaws. The rest of us have long resigned to the fact that nothing will ever stay perfect. Don't get me wrong... we ALL BITCH ABOUT THE FOLLOWING THINGS. Difference is, we aren't out here mad at the World about it like you seem to be. We've accepted that it has to be done and SURE aren't out here busting other folks chops about it. Here are some examples. 

You cut the grass....Damm if the shit doesn't get Sun and water and GROW RIGHT THE FUCK BACK by next week. (Hell, sometimes before then if the right combo hits..) 


The dishes.. We use them. Every day. You could wash them ALL. Somebody is going to use them tomorrow. Cleaning the whole sink out isn't going to change the fact that tomorrow morning, SOMEBODY IS GONNA PUT A BOWL IN THAT MOTHERFUCKER. Somebody is gonna put a spoon in the once empty dishwasher. That somebody is not the bad guy. Sorry. Things happen. Ditto with the laundry. Shit is never gonna end. Imagine how the PERSON WHO IS DOING THE LAUNDRY MUST FEEL. Knowing that the VERY CLOTHES ON THEIR BACK WILL HAVE TO RUIN A PERFECTLY GOOD EMPTY CLOTHES BASKET in just a very few short hours. After they spent their time emptying said basket. Just think of it that way... 


Your desk. It was made for work. Things aren't gonna stop appearing on it. In particular if you are 'perfect' and you HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS to the questions that the 'normal' people aren't 'competent enough' to know. That is if you could marry yourself to the idea of ...you know..LETTING THEM WHAT THEY NEED TO KNOW SO THAT YOU CAN LET GO OF THEIR WORK SO THAT THEY MAY DO IT THEMSELVES.. I digress though...


Giving your time and effort to something and it not working out or it failing. Nobody likes to fail. Just because we don't throw shit or bitch loudly does NOT MEAN THE REST OF US ARE HAPPY OUR TIME WAS WASTED. We've just figured out that for the most part, bitching and moaning about something is a bigger waste of time if no change is going to come out of it. We all put time into it. You aren't the only one. Get over yourself. Please and thank you. 



This is my absolute least   favorite thing about the 'perfect' person. When they toss up the following bullshit ass statements.

"I have to do everything around here...."

No the fuck you don't. Let me speak for EVERYONE ELSE who does shit 'around here' right now. No the fuck you don't. Maybe you do some things that folks don't 'appreciate' like they should*'. That's cool. What exactly THE FUCK WOULD YOU CALL A DISMISSIVE STATEMENT LIKE THE ONE YOU MAKE WHEN YOU HAVE THE STONES TO SAY YOU DO 'EVERYTHING' around here though? While you are off, 'doing that very important thing that you do', others DO OTHER THINGS. Go peep the list up top for some of those things if you can't muster up the thoughts as to what those 'things' might be. I don't 'have' to live with you or 'know' you to know that you don't do 'everything' or anything CLOSE TO 'EVERYTHING'. There aren't enough hours in the day to do that for one and for two you are too busy doing those 'two to three things that must have YOUR PERSONAL TOUCH ON THEM' to have time to do the mundane shit that is VITAL to your life. So lets clear that crock bullshit up right now. You don't do everything. You just aren't around to see it being done, messed up again and fixed back up. That's not the other person's fault. Just like they don't see what it is you 'do' or have to go through 'cause they aren't there. 


"You people wouldn't survive a day without me...."

Go the fuck away then. We will see. Oh wait...you've done that before and folks.... wait for it.. SURVIVED! Were things done the way you wanted? Nope. Probably not. Some things were done BETTER than the way you wanted 'cause your anal persona wasn't hovering around meddling. Newsflash: Some shit actually works better if you'd just get out of the way. Let some folks 'fail' so that they can succeed. It is okay. Someone did that for you..(More on that in a minute).. For some, it is the days WITHOUT YOU that make the days with you more bearable. Know that....That wasn't very nice was it? Yeah well neither is you saying the dumb shit you are saying either so....

The other thing I find 'funny' about 'perfect' people is their recollection of their 'past'/childhood/etc. For some reason, they have this ideal that they were 'perfect' the whole time. Wonder why that is.... -_-. I know...IT IS THE PEOPLE AROUND THEM WHO DIDN'T TELL THEM THE TRUTH! Oh now those same people will tell YOU OR I the truth about them but for some STRANGE REASON, they insist on letting the 'perfect person' feel like they have been infallible since creation. Basically on some Jesus type time. Oh yeah, they might wax on about some 'physical mishap' or deficiencies here and there but they NEVER...ever...ever..ever.. speak on any 'mishaps' of any other variety. All of their decisions were 'perfect'. Naw....... Not believing that shit. Sorry. Good grades are cool and all but that shit doesn't mean you are 'perfect'. @ what is usually cited as to why. Great, they got the memorization game down. @ grades. Doesn't make them 'perfect'. It can be a 'factor' in it but those within themselves does a perfect person not make. Funny though how those same 'folks around the 'perfect' person as a child, treated them with the empathy that they probably deserved growing up but the 'perfect' person doesn't have a 'HINT' of that in their make up as an adult. No empathy or understanding of 'non perfection' in others while THE VERY UPBRINGING they most likely had was BLANKETED in that. Very telling indeed.  I don't have a degree in that shit though so I am gonna digress.. but you get what I am saying don't you? Good. 

So am I saying that we should all be above reproach when we mess up?

Let me be emphatic. 

NO. Accountability is important and when you are wrong...you are wrong. 

All I am saying is that getting up on your horse about 'being right' or thinking you are right' EVEN WHEN YOU ARE WRONG is wrong. I am saying that those of you running around here seeking perfection while touting you are perfect are wrong. I am also merely stating that  to err is human and everyone has accepted that except you...Mr./Mrs. Perfect. and that it is high time you do. 

Or at least if you are not going to don't be shocked by the responses/effort you receive from that that you do 'need'. Lets make no mistake about it, you need people for if you, OUT OF ALL PEOPLE, could do it all yourself you would. You can't though. You need help. Lets try and treat 'the help' less like 'the help' though as they endure your MANY MISTAKES AND MISSTEPS and deal with them with the aplomb of Cinderella while you are on your Wicked Stepmother shit. Aight? 

I referenced business at the top (and some throughout this piece) and I thought I would be remiss if I didn't offer up a specific paragraph on it. Although I feel like I know a few people who take the 'micromanagement' idea ACROSS the board so I don't want to say this is just 'business' advice. lol Go get this book. It may help you see what I was speaking on about 'having to have your hands in everything.." and why that is NOT A GOOD IDEA all the time. For you or the folks you are 'micromanaging'. Help you do it more efficiently AND help them deal with it better as well.** I know Steve Jobs has y'all out thinking that if you just follow his blueprint, you will be 'great' but I feel like his case is not the norm. 


*See, it's called humility. You should acquire some. ASAP. Especially since you will have to 'deal' with people.. 


**I know someone is going to read this and think I don't think 'authority' is a good thing. Far from it. Someone has to be in charge. There is a way to do it though. Sorry. 

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(Words) Don't Save Him X An Open Letter To My Daughters..

....feel free to use ANY PART of what I am saying NOW if you are a grown woman...

Now I'm not expecting any of you dudes to be out here loving what I am about to say NOR am I demanding 'perfection' out here out of dudes either. Of course I would like a perfect dude for my little girls but that man doesn't exist. Never has. Never will. That said...

DON'T SAVE HER:

You people and your 'mantras'. -_- Look, I love hip hop just as much (shit probably more) than you do but lets stop being silly here. Your aunt was probably EVERY NASTY NAME YOU ARE OUT HERE CALLING YOUNG GALS WHO ARE FINDING THEIR WAY. Shit, some of you come from one parent homes and DON'T KNOW YOUR FATHER.... never met that man. I'm not saying that ....but there is a great possibility that... Lets just say if you like Happy Meals but your Mother wasn't the one who bought them but it was Uncle Larry, Uncle Joe or the other host of uncles that paraded in and out of your life who bought them, something was amiss. He had to keep you quiet somehow right? That's all I'm saying. Maybe that is why you cling to this motto so tough. 

All I hear you shiftless folks out here screaming is 'Don't save her...'as if you are some sort of pimp and the ubiquitous 'hers' actions are out here profiting you. Especially you 'womanfolk' out here. Trumpeting that saying in hopes that one will look past your 'hoeish' activities because you are screaming the 'Don't save these hoes' mantra loud and proud. Y'all ought to quit. What about folks out here saving these 'Baby Boys' out here? 

Lets talk about that. 

Girl, don't save that potential 'nigga with a good heart' who has a string of babies mommas, a rap sheet longer than the Constitution. 

Girl don't save that dude who thinks school is for fools and thinks you are wasting your time studying and paying Sallie Mae to get that job making more money than he is at the 'plantation' that you work at. 

Girl don't save that dude that has ALL THE SEXUALLY REPRESSIVE JOKES down to a science in public but in private he is 'thoughtful and insightful' and you think you can get him to be that way. 


Girl don't save him if he has bodied all of your girlfriends or folks you know. Hold him to the same 'high standards' he holds you to. You know that -negative number in regards to sexual partners you should have that know his name. Ditto if he his stroke game is right or if over time he 'gets better'. Just go on ahead and assume he is a male whore and get him up out the paint. ASAP. Save yourself the trouble of being judged for shit he is lauded for if he can't take the fact that you are sexually liberated. 


Girl don't save him if he has a 'list and litany' of things that he 'needs in a woman' and is unwilling to 'omit them' for the 'woman he claims he loves'... 


See where I'm going with this bullshit? Yeah... Exactly. 


Let me be realistic. I am not sure I would 'tell my girls' to act this way FROM THE GATE but you can be DAMM SURE that I am going to put it into their mind to have it in their arsenal when dealing with a certain type of male. I will also say that if they DECIDED ON THEIR OWN to act that way based on the bullshit they are bound to see out here in the way of 'double standards', I couldn't blame them. 

So I say to my daughters and any gal out there...


Don't save him. Let that nigga be corny, wack, pussyless and lonely. 

Don't allow that nigga to ever use phrases like 'I beat so any slander is void.' on YOU in particular IF YOU HAVE EVER HEARD HIM UTTER THAT PHRASE or any one like it. @ the sexist bullshit. If you even suspect a nigga thinks that him fucking you is his 'get outta jail free card' to ANY OF THE BULLSHIT HE DID TO YOU, get that nigga out of the paint ASAP. Use that nigga don't let him use you. Trust me, you will be able to tell. It baffles me how someone can WATCH a person be disrespectful and think 'He'd never do that to me... she must have done something to deserve that.." only to find out later on, she did nothing. It was all him and your dumb ass thought you were 'so special' that he would never aim that disrespect your way'. smh Stop being an idiot. 

Stop feeding the animals gals. You know who they are. You just think some kinda way you can 'save them'. You can't. They are what they are and only they can change themselves. Let someone else go through those changes. Don't be 'that' girl. Once you have identified that he has strong traits you cannot live with, get him up outta here if you see he is playing the same way. 


A bit too candid for your tastes? @ some of you reading this. Ignore it. It will never be said that I didn't tell the uncut truth to mine. I want to be clear. Somebody needs to tell the truth. 

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(Videos) Crazy Girlfriend via @Cyn_Santana....I'm crying right now...

This is hilarious...lmao In light of that 'Passwords' post I just finished writing...Google MAPS THOUGH... @ 12 MINS to get home....REAL. LIFE TEARS RIGHT NOW..


Truth in jest. That's all I'mma say...

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(Words) Dear Folks in with these 'FantasyLand' ass ideals of a relationship..

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(Words) Gender roles in relationships....and the delusional outlook some of you have on them..

I am not the FIRST PERSON to speak on this. Lets get that out of the way now. I'm almost POSITIVE that the vast majority of you have seen someone else address this. So I don't want you to think that I am 'breaking new ground' here. Rather, I am just reminding those of you who 'know better' and maybe informing those that are 'slowly coming to that age' that they have to at least entertain the idea of 'being in someone's Life long term'* This is going to be some hard reading for a particular sex for the first part but you should 'hang in there'. Both genders get taken to task. Trust me.


I have a particular problem with the way we currently use 'old school' gender roles in a newer society. Especially with what is commonly known as 'bitch work' to the 'old guard' of men AND man's work to women. I mean with more women out of the household than EVER BEFORE, I don't see how we can go around applying this title to things THAT HAVE TO BE DONE and the TIME PERIOD THAT WAS ALLOTTED FOR EACH PERSON TO DO THEM HAS CHANGED. It has. Changes are being demanded of the woman and the man in different ways and rightfully so.

I truly am amazed at the lack of common fucking sense some of you have in regards to this. If you are both working, nobody is home to do the work. How hard is it to comprehend that you might have to SHARE IN THE RESPONSIBILITY of the vast majority of these things? Not help... DO @ share. You might have to cook. You might have to hammer a nail in a wall sweetheart. 

Also, if the decision has been made that ONE OF YOU IS TO STAY HOME, again, how can ANY OF THESE TASKS LISTED BELOW BE SEEN AS TRIVIAL? Regardless as to what gender it is that stays home? 

I mean you DO REALIZE THE PERSON that 'stays home' never 'clocks out' right? Right? ESPECIALLY IF THERE ARE KIDS INVOLVED and they have either been staying at home for a long time or HAVE WORKED A REGULAR JOB THEMSELVES. They KNOW you aren't gonna come in and pick up where they left off at! They know that there is no place for them to 'just sit up and unwind' more likely. I don't see how you idiots don't see this from the outside though.The person that stays home is always encouraged to 'chase their dream' or go to school or something though. The trick to that is, since they can never 'clock out', when is that supposed to realistically happen without some help from the other person? It can't.... It is just like work too. Fast days. Slow days. They 'don't pay me enough for this shit..' days. Only there is no clock to punch out of... FOR THE DAY. 





Lets look at the type of tasks I mean when I say they are grouped via 'gender' for those of you who are still unclear...


Cooking. Dinner. Lunch. Breakfast (Except Sat. or Sunday depending on your household when most Fathers manned the kitchen..) 
Laundry.
Shopping.
Bathroom cleaning. 
Cleaning ANYTHING ELSE THAT NEEDED TO BE CLEANED.
Getting kids dressed. 
Helping kids with their homework.
Attending ALL SCHOOL FUNCTIONS whether you go or not..
Making sure EVERYONE IS STRAIGHT. 
Planning trips. 
Cutting grass
Responsible to try to fix/repair/replace pretty much anything that goes wrong. 
Painting. 
General yardwork...
I can keep going.....




Some of you minions out here REALLY STILL CONSIDER THIS WORK BENEATH YOU and as a result snidely label it 'women's work'. @ those things listed on here that are considered as such.


Oh sure you 'help' but you don't DO these tasks by yourselves which is a shame. Or rather, you feign that you can't. Which is even a bigger shame. These SAME MUNDANE TASKS that many of you claim on the Net daily that 'cats must have lacked at home' are the same ones you OPENLY refuse to do yourselves. Oh the irony... Ya'll are still looking down on FOLKS WHO STAY AT HOME, forgo/curtail/limit/chase it when they can their own ambitions and dreams for the most part to ensure their family is in the best position not only from a financial standpoint***** but just to provide the stability that you all claim most folks lacked growing up? Really fam? Really?




Now in REALITY, NONE OF THE SHIT I JUST LISTED IS 'WOMEN'S WORK'. That is a fallacy. ESPECIALLY NOWADAYS with the way things are shaped up. All of those things are part of RUNNING A HOUSEHOLD. Say it with me REALLY SLOW... Running. A. Household. So at this point, we should HONESTLY BE DROPPING THAT MONIKER when we speak on such things. I actually abhor the moniker. Yeah..there are some things that neither gender would 'prefer' to do but if the household is to run correctly, you should be able to perform 95% of its duties with NO GRUMBLING and with some level of skill.

The fact of the matter is though LADIES, there are some men WHO DO MORE THAN HELP. I see that being overlooked. Cats DO COME HOME AND HELP WITH THEIR KIDS HOMEWORK. They do 'pick up the kids' from wherever they are at. They DO COOK DINNER ON MORE THAN ONE NIGHT AND NOT JUST IN THE SUMMER TIME ON A GRILL. Not just out here grabbing pizzas either. Cooking food. Cleaning the house. Most of us actually were TAUGHT THAT by either a single mother or a MOTHER WHO KNEW THAT HER PEERS WERE RAISING DAUGHTERS THAT WOULD SOME DAY WORK ALONG SIDE WITH THEIR SONS. They adapted their parenting techniques accordingly so that their sons 'wouldn't need a woman to take care of them.."** So when you do find yourself a man like this, don't go around taking it for granted. Or trying to Nas that nigga on some 'Owe Me Back' shit for all the THOUSANDS OF YEARS WOMEN HAD TO BEAR THE BURDEN. It is not his cross to bear nor yours to nail him to. Keep that shit outta your relationship and concentrate on the good he does. Don't 'belittle' his clean up efforts. Don't take for granted he actually cleans the bathroom on the days you don't 'delegate it be done'...you know 'cleaning day..'. If he cooks dinner and it tastes good, damm sure let him know HOWEVER YOU SEE FIT*** Shit, if he is out here picking up kids, Krissy that nigga and prop.....my bad...let me stop playing. Just show some gratitude if he does that. You got yourself a good one as the 'general attitude' still seems to be..'That isn't for a man to be doing.."

I know men are doing 'cause I know folks who do it. Some of you men who are 'clowning' these dudes for doing it look pretty lonely over there too. I see you. I don't care what you say. Some of your 'singleness' is due to your absolute staunch stance of 'doing things like my Daddy/Uncle/etc' did 'em. Shit done changed...- Biggie.

I've seen some of ya'll with your kids looking like you just stepped into the Third Dimension. Looking lost like shit. Can't clean their nose properly. Can't even twist up a simple ponytail holder into your daughter's hair talking about you are a 'ladies man'..smh For shame cuz... Nobody said be Tim Gunn outchea but dammit, have some 'leeway' in what you 'won't do'. Your relationship will be better for it. Promise ya. Be the man you proclaim you want 75% of the Twitter ladies Fathers to be out here. Or have the potential to be. If you DON'T HAVE KIDS, that's GREAT. Doesn't mean you should be coming home putting your feet up like you aren't running around dirtying shit up too. Clean my nig. It is okay. You are in the comfort of your own home and you should care.






Yes, everyone will have their 'thing' that they do (Women with the hair..Men with the grass cutting...) but there shouldn't be too much of this talk outchea if you expect to 'make it'. 

Yes that means you Makeda..

'I'm not touching the trash.." shit like you are the Queen of Sheba is for the birds man. So IF YOUR MAN IS GONE FOR THE WEEKEND, you are gonna let the house just REEK OF CHICKEN GUTS AND OTHER ASSORTED THINGS 'cause your prissy ass can't tie up a bag, walk 20 feet to a CAN, open it up and PUT SOME TRASH IN IT? Yeah..see how many years that shit is gonna fly...


Don't chuckle it up Cornelius... Miss your spouse with all that...

Cornelius doesn't do laundry and bathrooms.... That's women's work... 



















So if your Lil Princess needs to take a bath AND YOUR WOMAN IS GONE, you mean to tell me your Neanderthal ass is actually going to let her sit in filth 'cause of your disdain for the bathroom cleaning my nig? @ your daughter. Word King? You are that stubborn huh? YOU BETTER NOT TWEET/FACEBOOK another status about niggas needing to be a 'Father to their child' then with that attitude fam....




Like I said, it all sounds good in 'theory' but today's circumstances just don't allow for you to have these 'hard lines' when it comes to gender roles. Go get some therapy for your 'childhood memories' of having to 'do whatever it is you did' and suck it up. Ya'll can't be out here 'claiming the rough childhood' as making you stronger but then turn around with these 'weak as water' arguments as to why you don't want to do them now.  Stop that out here. No wonder niggas are hitting up the divorce lawyer. Ya'll out here hustling backwards.... Lets be realistic when it comes to what we 'want' out here. I've seen MANY OF YOU BASH PRETTY MUCH EVERY CELEB out here that has gotten married/together with someone and they had these lofty expectations. Most recently Kim. Apply some of that logic to your own situation... Please. All jokes aside. ****


If I may, I would like to offer up this small piece of advice to anyone who finds themselves with someone like the folks I described up top in a negative light. It might be that time...@ reconsidering. The signs are there. Go on ahead and re-evaluate what is going on because they have pretty much already told you how they are 'going to be' regardless of the circumstances.. You ready for that? Not gonna tell you what to do beyond evaluate your situation. It is YOUR SITUATION. Do what you must. Just don't say 'Well..nobody broke it down for me..." That's a lie. I just did..


P.S. To the 'That's why I'm not getting married' crowd...these issues aren't just exclusive to married people..They afflict those who shack up too. Just saying....Shit changes when you live with folks... Which eventually, A VAST MAJORITY OF PEOPLE DO END UP DOING...



My point to ALL OF THIS IS that the days of the man going out and providing and the woman sitting at home doing her work are LONG GONE. Those Worlds have now intertwined. It is high time SOME OF YOU SEE THAT and factor that into your expectations. That's all. It may not go down EXACTLY how I typed it up top for some of you but it SURELY ISN'T GOING DOWN THE WAY YOUR GRANDMOTHER/GRANDFATHER'S DAUGHTER/SON HAD IT. That's for sure. It is different.






*Notice I didn't say married. Long term. It could include marriage but the same principles apply to 'playing house'. @ what most of you out here have claimed you will be doing as opposed to marriage..

**That was my mother. She taught me all the things she knew so that I wouldn't 'starve', not be clothed or live in filth in the event that I needed to handle those duties. She gave me the power to choose someone because I 'wanted them', not because they could 'provide' those things for me. Great if they do but I can do 'em myself. All the way.

*** That's another discussion for another time.. Use your imagination in the meantime though...(winks)


****I've been working on this topic for awhile and scrapped it a couple of times. The irony that it finally came together today after listening to a certain radio show last night is not lost on me though...


***** For you non-grown folks, finances are more than just about being able to afford the latest Space Jams man. Or that new snap back. Or that Mac or 'Droid. Cats have SEWER BILLS bigger than your car payment and your apartment rent combined. That's just one bill. In some cases, by the time folks finish paying for parking, the commute cost, food and wear and tear on a car, they are in the RED going to work. Never mind the costs of after care, the sick days for leave for children and all of that. We are talking GROWN UP FINANCES here. Not kiddie finances. So yeah..it is actually BENEFICIAL for one person to stay at home after you do the math. I've done it for folks before to really break it down for them. It is pretty eye opening.

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Life, Love & Sinn aka @SinnamonLove: The Miseducation Of Amber Cole | The Well Versed

Life, Love & Sinn: The Miseducation Of Amber Cole | The Well Versed


I'mma give you a piece of what she wrote.... Go read the rest of it at the link...



Oh and for you 'high horse/but low on the totem pole' cats who don't want a 'porn star' to tell you anything, she sounds better educated than you and your favorite lil 'smart blogger/favorite tweeter'. Word she does...





Reading the story of Amber Cole through bloggers and social media sites I’m glad I missed the masses of people berating this young girl for her sexual exploration and making poor decisions with her heart because of one reason… I too was miseducated. The extent of sex education for most young women of color at home is “don’t get pregnant,” while at school its “these are the STDs you can catch.” I remember skipping school to go to Planned Parenthood when I thought I was pregnant by a boyfriend in high school, (turned out I had ovarian cysts instead.) Up until I overheard an older sister and her friends discussing the physical sensation of orgasms, I had been terrified that I had urinated on my partner when I ejaculated. I knew that “16 could get you 20,” but was still flattered by the attention of the good looking older boys with cars, jobs and money… despite having both a stepfather at home and my biological father that both spoiled me rotten. I was terrified of the idea of my boyfriend “going down” on me and thought “giving head” was something only White girls did.



At 16, a boyfriend broke up with me because I wouldn’t give him a blow job and wouldn’t engage in anal sex only to have him come to a video store signing in North Carolina shocked that I had grown up to be, well, Me. But that was the 80s and 90s… before I became a mother, before I went to college, before I met my first love and long before porn. I think back to that same boyfriend at 16 that recorded the sound of us having sex with his dual cassette boom box, (while Janet Jackson’s “Someday is Tonight” played on the other side,) and giggling at the thought of his being able to listen to it later when he was alone. To this day, he still has that tape. To this day, its still considered child porn.



This is not intended to be a condemnation on the persecution and criminalization of consensual sex between teens. I’m not going to get into a discussion of single parent households, fatherlessness and young girls seeking attention or lack of positive role models in the media for young people to follow. I don’t know Amber Cole, her family or her background and I certainly can’t make any assumptions as to what was going through her head when she decided to do whatever “he” wanted in order to win him back. To say that it was despicable how adults attacked this young girl online, to the point of their being rumors of her suicide is indeed an understatement yet – I’m not surprised.



For as long as I could remember, despite the lack of appropriate sex education, I always heard grown ups talk about “fast tail little girls” that flirted too much, wore short skirts or were just victims of their early physical development. No one ever chastises the men for their lecherous looks and inappropriate advances, but we certainly denigrate the girls to harlots rather quickly. What does bother me the most is that even in this day and age, we continue to perpetuate the cycle of misinformation or a lack of appropriate sex education for teens and young adults, yet punish them socially and criminally for their activities. In some states, a 19-year-old can be punished for up to 10 years for consensual sex with a 16-year-old and yet, in talking to my 18-year-old son I’ve found that not once was appropriate ages of sex partners or statutory rape covered in any of his sex ed classes in elementary, middle school or high school. Sex education continues to be limited to reproduction and disease, with limited information about available services for birth control, abortion, incest or sexual abuse.



In light of the Amber Cole Incident and the questions that came later from my 14-year-old currently taking sex ed, I’ve found that traditional sex education continues to stagnate and doesn’t include information on potential repercussions that sexting or consensual filming of sex acts between minors can have on the futures (legally, academically and socially,) of all parties involved. Its not 100% the schools fault. Educators are crippled by fear from parents that are blinded by their spiritual or moral beliefs on what they do and don’t want their children to be taught. Teenagers continue to wear purity rings and yet engage in risky sexual behaviors such as anal and oral sex in order to maintain their virginity. Boys are still allowed to be boys and girls are still expected to be held to a higher standard… and as in the case of Amber Cole, at least 2 boys have now been arrested and the FBI is deciding whether to prosecute…



I have to wonder, did anyone ever have a discussion with Amber Cole about sex in public places or looking out for hidden cameras? Did anyone ever say to these boys that pornography is something produced for and by adults and is not something for children and teens to engage in? Did anyone ever stop to tell these young men that “you don’t have to lie to kick it,” and that sometimes, honesty will still allow them to find sexual satiation while lies will only leave a sea of broken, angry hearts behind?
It angers me that somewhere along the line, all 4 of these children involved have been failed – not just by their parents and their schools, but their communities at large. It seems no one sat this young lady down and explained to her that sometimes guys (and girls) will try to take advantage of her sexuality and to be cautious of who you give you heart to. I’m angry because I see Amber Cole – yet another young woman that was under the mistaken belief that sex and love are synonymous – was willing to do anything for the “man” she loves. I wish that we would stop limiting sex education to bible verses and disease and start giving these young women back their power.



Its time for real world sex education; masturbation, condom use, risky sexual behavior, teen sex laws and consequences outside of STDs and teen pregnancy MUST be included in our discussions of sex with our kids. Parents have to stop thinking that conversations of teen sex will encourage promiscuity. When my oldest daughter went away to college with her boyfriend, I had a discussion with her about birth control. Today, at 19, they have now been together 5 years and are both in their 2nd year of college at the same school and there aren’t any babies on the way. When my youngest got ready to start high school I had a frank discussion with her about boys using a girl’s sexuality to their advantage for their own sexual exploration, and encouraged her to make sure when she is ready that her sexual exploration is on her terms and no one else’s. These are the conversations we should be having with our children.




People continue to act as though the Boogie-Man is some creepy old guy that lives in a house around the corner that everyone knows not to go to his house on Halloween… but what about the predator right in your child’s classroom, or the playground, or on the phone, cupcaking with them late at night? Throughout the late 90s, talk show television and soap operas brought to light the subject of teen domestic violence. I can only hope that the Miseducation of Amber Cole brings to light the subject of teen sex abuse and misconduct and allows us to have more frank, open conversations with our children. Sex is on every television show they watch and in every song on the radio that they listen to. If songs like Miguel’s “Quickie” can be played on the radio, how can you not explain to your children what a quickie is if you hear them playing it or humming along? How can you not sit through an episode of Family Guy, American Dad, South Park or Tosh 2.0 with your kids so you can inquire what they know about the subject matter they are laughing at? Sometimes, being a parent isn’t comfortable but you still have an obligation to fulfilling your children’s needs. If we don’t educate our kids, the streets will continue to do so… and Amber Cole won’t be the last young Black woman exploited and these three Black boys won’t be the last to be criminalized as a result.

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