(Words) That person that I am to so many people..is gone for me..

I'm a lot of things to a lot of people. It is in my nature to be that way. I'm the voice of reason. The truth teller. The comforter. The 'We can get this done' person. The 'You aren't aight right now but YOU CAN AND WILL BE BECAUSE WE WILL MAKE IT SO TOGETHER PERSON'.


I suck at letting anyone do that for me. At least I did until I met Melissa Jane..

Not that I actually let her do it for me either.. "Cause you see, she was just like I was.

She just didn't allow it.

We grew to do that for each other via our mutual defiance initially to allow the other to do it for us.

I'm having a hard time getting folks to 'see' that. Folks want to visit. (Not you next week's visitor. You are good money! Can't wait to see you just like I just texted you..) Folks I don't even 'know' but who knew her. Folks who DID KNOW HER OR KNOW ME. Folks who have BEEN KNOWN ME.

They will have to understand. The person that I allowed to do that... the ONE PERSON ON THE EARTH that I allowed to do that with regularity......


.....is gone.

I don't have that anymore. I think I have folks who 'could' do it. That's not what I am saying. It isn't about them though. It is about me. The type of person that I am, to even ALLOW SOMEONE TO HELP ME IN MY TIME OF NEED is SO HARD.....

I could have helped you a THOUSAND TIMES OVER and it is still hard for me to let you help once. That's just how difficult it is. Terrible I know...


Mother's Day:

Pretty sure a lot of you were expecting a post on that day but I just couldn't do it. I mean I wrote one but it was just way too personal for me to share here. Maybe later.. Tough day. That's all I can really say.