(Words) Intervention, Truth & 'Moving On' : Where I am at with her death at this moment..

These are all Facebook STATUS updates that I turned into blog posts 'cause well....I felt they were a little long winded to be just status updates. I am going to post the link of Facebook 'cause the first one 'explains' another pretty cryptic status update I put up which got me ALL KINDS OF TEXTS AND PHONE CALLS. aka It Struck A Nerve.

The other ones will probably strike a nerve too I'm sure.





1/19/13



When you pray for intervention, you can't frown about how comes to you. You just take the intervention as it comes and be thankful you got it.

Intervention has come to me in ways that I've seen most you Usain Bolt from. Stop running. Let it work for you.

Let me be clear. Someone saying something is not always intervention. Sometimes that is nothing more than noise. Most of my interventions have been full of action.
With few words.

This time period has been no different. Only this time the actions are continuous. Some words and a lot of action. All for a reason though. No matter how fleeting..

I'm all man so I'm gonna take every bit of it as I can for what it is worth.

I'm ready when I'm ready @ whatever is going on. Stop worrying about me not knowing. Moving.. kids....moving 'on'....I'll do what I do when I do it. When i wanna do it. How I wanna do it.

Handle yours. Please. I've been through more than I've even told you. I'm still here though.

 Admirable that you are worried about me but it is clear that your attention shouldn't be on me. It should be on handling yours.

Listen to what you say to me and heed it yourself. Maybe it isn't just me....ya know? Maybe it is you and it is just more convenient to say it is me. Stop using me to avoid your own shit.

I hold no pretense as far as my readiness. I didn't know the date she would leave. I'm probably not ready for a lot of things if we are gonna keep it funky.



Things still need to get done. I'm gonna do em. The best way I know how. Just like I did before. Got me here right? Okay then...

Let me say this though....

None of y'all have done what I'm doing. None. It shows too cause you keep telling me I'm not ready for ( you can insert numerous situations here. You will of course insert only one... dating. That's a mistake btw...I can't tell some of you shit though so... I digress.)  yet here the fuck you are...asking and telling I should be. Double talking. Telling me what needs to done. What I 'have to do'. Not asking...not gently advising.... telling!!



Oh? Word? Oh okay....Naw...

She never told me what to do. Fuck makes you that you can?

Does this mean I don't want advice? No. Don't want support? No.

Have I made it happen without that though being abundant from a sample pool of thirty people? Absofuckinglutely!

I just need you to listen to what you say/ evaluate what you wanna do in regards to me really carefully cause some of you know you have no business doing what you are doing. You know the positions I don't need to be in but yet here you are. Putting me in em.  And I'm trying to be nice...I'm not gonna be nice in a minute. Maybe you need to learn how to come at me. Maybe if you already have bullshit, maybe I don't need to be a party to it. I'm all stocked up on bullshit to deal with over here. None for me thanks.



She was bout the only person who could filter that.  She isn't here. Her memory is what's stopping me.

That's not gonna be enough in a minute.

Why do this here? @ these words today. Well shit cause some folks need to see me say it that's why. Duh!

There are that many you too and quite frankly I've got bigger fish to fry. As you so astutely keep pointing out like I don't know this or haven't been about them since the first one came on Mother's Day 1998.



If this doesn't pertain to you, chuckle it up, hit like or whatever and keep it moving.

If it is you though....yeah...if its you. Do what you need to do. I am.


......1/20/13



Raw emotions.... good and bad. Jersey flapping in the rafters and practice sessions showing things are intact. Offers to play for teams that I quite frankly refused to play for before and teams who should have been recruiting me from the gate but only showed interest once I got 'drafted'. Even got offers from the 'Celtics'...interesting indeed...

Pondering staying in retirement though not cause the game has changed. It is I that has changed..... I travel different now. I'd be on my AI talking about "Practice? We talking about practice?? Not a game...not a game.... " cause all I've done for almost ten years is show on game day, fill my role, win and go home. I ain't about that practice life at this juncture.

Brand loyalty....my team is defunct in a sense. Gotta carry on the name though minus the CEO of my corporation that I hand picked. Started from the ground up. @ company.


I own the team too though so I can move it wherever. Whenever i want to. Copyright and all. The name has my Daddy's blood on it...- a certain NC rapper..

Thing is...ugh....yeah...

I have to be cryptic cause I can't tell all as it isn't my nature anyway but I kinda gotta let it out some so...besides y'all asking on the sly so..


1/21/13


Sometimes you have open yourself up to the possibilities of the worst to get to the truth. I haven't forgotten how we learned that lesson TOGETHER Jane. I can rest assured NOW knowing I know what is was now. It is what I suspected originally but unfortunately the raw emotions and sudden flurry of 'details' that folks sat on conveniently till you died, muddying up the truth with their half baked theories full of speculation and bullshit.

Downstairs btw...not upstairs. She never went there...-_-. Just one the many misnomers I've heard as you guys hear "what happened" or what drove what to what from folks who, I've never seen in my life and have never been to my home. Listening to them feed you info due to them being 'close to the situation'.  Never seen em before. But they 'know'. They know so much that every 'detail' they have given you was wrong. Smh Only thing they got right was she was gone...that's it. Sad...no life having mofos shall not prosper around here though. Do me a favor. Don't ever intro me to those folks. Don't wanna to know em... Have no use for em...

You niggas oughta quit. @ making up shit. Yeah I've heard the rumors. Didn't know us then... still only know 4% now...@ some of y'alls 'friends'

Tell your friends to run up on me with shit. Please. I'm waiting.

Let me not Kirk all the way out...

Faith.. resolve...tough questions.. and facing things head on have netted the truth though...



Mother Hen Jane doing her. As usual. Doing it all when you didn't have to. @ what. If folks know you like they claim they do to whatever capacity that is, then they will get that. If they don't.... speculate on they will. I can't do shit about that.. have it.

I'm in a different place now than a few weeks ago. Back where I started when you passed. Investigation over for me.. I'm satisfied with my findings. Y'all got that..


 I've still got your Zen over here Pretty Gal @ my job/role in your life. Correction our life. Just gonna give it to the girls now :). You knew that though. Love you. Muah

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(Words) The truth....I've grown to not be able to live without it...

The truth. I've learned over the years that it is all I want. I used to want to be lied to so that I could feel better but once I truly learned how freeing the truth could be... I've wanted nothing less. Without it, I've found myself searching digging ...in constant flux ..amidst the storm. With it I've found resolution....peace ...calm..after the Storm. Please continue to give me the truth Lord as you built me over the years to take so that I don't regress back yo that mediocrity that is loving a lie. I like it better this way. No matter how much it hurts when I get it.


I want that now..... so I'm going to speak it into existence. Right now...



A lot of you don't want me to know the truth about a lot of things. What will be will be... @ my reaction to it. It is already written. Nothing you can do about it.


 I WILL find out though. So you might as well tell me. You can't ask her anymore but if she were here she'd tell you that. I'm just built that way. Our journey together cultivated and made me that way. Just know that. The truth. Always on a search for it. Even though it may not seem like it.


Sincerely

The Strong One who appeared to be the weakest one...



P.S. I'd like to send some love to my friend in Raleigh and his two boys. They lost their matriarch recently. Prayers and blessings.

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This is a repost for a 'few' but for the vast majority this is new...The raw truth..

 was going to write on this subject anyway but this just puts it in such a good perspective that I will post it anyway..

(Looks around and sees causalities on the ground)

The raw reality of the truth is disgusting. I, more often than not, will lie about reality to keep myself from appearing badly to you. ("Oh, God, I wouldn't want him.her.it to think x.y.z about me because that would be a.b.c.") The self is a very fragile, delicate being no matter what package it is wrapped in. It has a very sensitive nature that only wants to be appreciated, not questioned or discarded. And, because of all of this, the self will do anything to protect itself in the eyes of those it would like to, ultimately, please. Even lie. -bittersweet

I am starting off this blog with this salvo from another VERY GOOD blog I read this morning. Take from it what you want. In theme with it, here's what I have to say today....




I am looking around and things aren't looking so swift around me. I see some of you are looking pretty over there though while others are trying to make it work. Working hard and giving each other the attention that each other deserves. While we all would like to say that what goes on around doesn't matter for shit, it really does. It might not be the end all be all but it holds some sort of weight. Otherwise, we wouldn't keep these people around us. At least I would hope that is the case with most of you. You are supposed to surround yourself with those that are on the same page as you in some way. So seeing others do good is important to me to an extent. Don't get me wrong, if you are going in the other direction, I will continue to do me and what I need to do but I take great comfort in knowing it isn't just me "fighting this war". For those of you falling that 'other' way, I still love you btw. I am still here. You don't have to fall back from me. Been where you are at. It doesn't make you a horrible person and I can't throw rocks at your throne. Nor would I. This is about as "preachy" as I am going to get unless you invite me into your business. As you can see, I ain't said no names here. And for those of you who are like "What the hot hell is he talking about?" don't worry. If you don't really get what I am saying, it wasn't for you anyway..Just tuck it away in the archives. You might not need it now but if you are ever going to be in relationship, you might need it later. Ya neva know- Chris Rock


It is summer time damm near again and as we all know that good ole "itch" is coming through. Act like you got some sense dammit. Don't neglect your responsibilities and whatnot. Offers will be tendered. Smile and politely decline. It ain't worth it. The grass may look greener but some of you don't even cut the grass you have now. Fucks you taking on other properties for? Take care of that property and you might re-discover the things you liked about it when you bought it. IF YOU ARE GONNA TAKE ON MULTIPLE PROPERTIES, please remember the code of the game. Act like you been in the game before. Keep things in perspective. I don't wanna hear no war stories about you treating your jumpoffs like GFs and then wondering why you are in the 'situation' that you are in at the end of the day. Or about the dude that you 'fell for' while your intent was just to knocking him off for the summer. You know how the game is played. Quit picking people that YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY LIKE. I usually don't touch on this stuff too much but I thought I would show ya'll that I DO KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS. I am married. Not an idiot. Far from it. Oh yeah, I love T.I.'s music and all but please understand, IT IS TRICKING IF YOU GOT IT. Period. No if, ands or buts about it. Now, if that is how you get it, hey. But understand that it is tricking. Period.


Also for those of you with kids, take your kids out somewhere this spring/summer. You have been to Vegas already. Been to Myrtle Beach. You have been to the Goodshot Bar, Chrome (or whatever they are calling it these days). You have been to Love in DC. Down to B.E.D. in Mia. Ain't it about time you and your kids did something? Ain't it about time for you kids to see more of DC than your cousin's house that you drop them off to on your way down to party? Florida is hot as hell but it doesn't stop you from going with your boys/girls. Why not take your kids? Yeah, I am talking to you if you think I am talking to you. Someone needs to. We are GROWN dammit. Let's act like. Play time is over ladies and gentleman. Or at least it isn't THE TOP PRIORITY ANYMORE. I know some of you just got your money, your looks, your whole aura right but NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO SLACK UP ON YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES. It is time to actually start acting like a real parent. I promise you that the hole in the walls that ya'll are going to will still be standing when we get back...lol They ain't going nowhere. They might change the name on it though. I can't promise it will be named the same thing. But them mofos ain't changing. No one is saying don't go out either. No. Just pick and choose and spend some time with your kids man. That's all I am saying. For some of you though, you are about to hit that age with them that they will DICTATE what you do themselves. What? You thought they were gonna stay portable forever? They grow up ya know! lol Hang in there though, this too shall be short lived and the next thing you know, we will be sending off into the real world.


If you are single and unhappy, you already know what you need to do. I don't have to get specific. Cut the dead weight, get off your rump and get it done. If you know me like that, you know you can always come through here and catch a getaway but pouting down there ain't going to change shit. Only you can. Put that pint of ice cream down, go the gym, follow that lil list you keep making up and tacking up on the wall and get to getting. Times a wasting..Some of you don't know how good you got btw. It is really REAL IN THE FIELD and a lot of you are sheltered from it. You should be stacking right now. I know many of you are planning a big move. It ain't never going to be perfect so if you are waiting on that, you better get comfy. You will be where ever it is you are at for a good long minute. You gotta just do it man and guess what? You won't be the first person to STRUGGLE and you won't be the last. Stop watching these videos, falling into the trap that life is REALLY LIKE THAT. There is more to life than "We doing it like a baller' theme nights at the club. (And way more than half of those in attendance to those functions are faking it.)


Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice.....And yes I do it too. You don't think I liked my life before? Sheeit..You are delusional if you think I didn't enjoy some aspects of it. ..But this one I am making now is rounding into shape nicely thank you. You ain't think I would touch that did you? I know....I keep hearing lil things so I thought I would touch it a lil bit...Not too much though. Just a lil bit. This adventure isn't hassle free but I don't miss all the hassles and worries that I had before. Yes, there are new hassles and worries but these can be handled and I wouldn't want the hassles from the past for nothing. I see ya'll out there stressing about this and that. I am GLAD I don't have to that shit. For real.


Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Learn HOW TO COMMUNICATE with your spouse. Stop arguing with your man or woman like they are a stranger in the streets. THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK. It all sounds simple but I promise you people ARE NOT DOING THESE THINGS and this is a HUGE part of the problem we have as people. Be accepting of the truth as it is given to you. Often times, you don't have to listen to the Steve Harvey's, the Oprah's or HELL EVEN ME, if you just look at what is in front of you in it's totality. (That means look at the WHOLE PICTURE. Not just the drama inducing parts of the situation) Your answer is usually right there and 9-10 times outta ten you are either part of the problem AND PART OF THE SOLUTION to it.

Yeah, I am ranting. But I can do that. I ain't spitting about shit I "think" I know. I know it. So pay attention dammit.

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